Sunday, May 1, 2011

Your Higness

Your Higness

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Your Higness(2011)

Thadeous (Danny McBride) and Fabious (James Franco) are the sons of King Tallious (Charles Dance). They are both warriors, but Fabious is dashing and skilled whereas Thadeous is lazy and ineffectual. In order to celebrate his latest victory, Fabious decides to marry his virgin girlfriend Belladonna (Zooey Deschanel), but the ceremony is interrupted by the arrival of the evil sorcerer Leezar (Justin Theroux), who kidnapps Belladona and imprisons her at his dungeon, intending to rape her when the two Moons converge, impregnating her with a dragon that will allow him to take over King Tallious' kingdom.
Thadeous and Fabious set to rescue her alongside their band of knights, which includes Fabious' best friend Boremont (Damian Lewis), and Thadeous' servant Courtney (Rasmus Hardiker). They visit the Great Wise Wizard, who gives them a magic compass and tells them that they must retrieve the fabled Sword of Unicorn from a labyrinth protected by a Minotaur. On their way there, they are betrayed by Boremont, who felt slighted when Fabious asked Thadeous to be his best man, and escape from him and the corrupt band of knights alongside Courtney.
While collecting themselves at a river, Thadeous, Fabious and Courtney are attacked by nymphs and captured by their leader, Marteetee (John Fricker), who imprisons them at an arena and prepares to kill them with magic. However, they are rescued by Isabel (Natalie Portman), a warrior that is seeking revenge for her father's murder at Marteetee's hands. With her help, the heroes escape, only to be betrayed by Isabel, who escapes after stealing the compass. Infuriated, Fabious decides to find the Sword of Unicorn alone, but is ambushed and captured by Boremont and his men.
Thadeous and Courtney go to a tavern, where they find Isabel and steal the compass back. Thadeous then discovers that Isabel wants revenge against Leezar for murdering their brothers and they join forces, entering the labyrinth. Thadeous retrieves the Sword of Unicorn and slays the minotaur before it rapes Courtney, proudly wearing its severed penis as a trophy. They then make their way to Leezar's castle, where they free Fabious and kill Boremont and his men as well as Leezar's minions. Fabious then kills Leezar before he is able to rape Belladonna, saving the kingdom.
After their victory, the heroes go back home, but Isabel goes a different way. Fabious and Belladonna marry as Thadeous retreats to his bedroom to masturbate before going to bed. There, he is approached by Isabel, who reveals that she has fallen in love with him. However, for them to have sex, he must first slay the witch that cast a spell on her, locking her in a chastity belt. She suggests that they cuddle first, but Thadeous, feeling renewed by his heroic deeds, is more interested in going on a new adventure.


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